Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
