What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
