Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
