i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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