I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
