you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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