I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm always down for nudity.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
