Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize