He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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