so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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