the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
