he puts the penis in happiness.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
