Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
