Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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