Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This baby is an asshole
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
