I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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