Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
