The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
