I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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