She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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