Sry I called you an 8
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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