i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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