smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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