how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
