before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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