Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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