i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
