I'm drive I can fine osifer
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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