We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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