I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
