Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just gift wrapped bread.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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