Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
