Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
