"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
