hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
17 year olds will be the death of me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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