just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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