..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize