So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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