Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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