I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
