How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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