no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He felt like a one man threesome
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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