I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
