It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
