so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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