Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
