so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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