I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
