Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
