im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
