Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
