im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
