I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
