You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
