Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
