she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
