I would go down on you faster than GM stock
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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