And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
