It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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