haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
