Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
this will be a night to untag.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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