can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
