Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
