Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
